Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
