i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize