I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
