she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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