His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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