Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
