found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
