I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
