even my farts smell like vagina
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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