i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
