omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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