Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
