one might say we're banned from that church
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
