I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
