I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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