i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize