drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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