The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize