It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My ass is underappreciated
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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