its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
