you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize