Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
True college students do jello shots in the library
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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