No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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