My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
