he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Pooping to opera.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So. Much. Porn.
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