Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
