I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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