I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Randomize
