I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
