DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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