Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
