Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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