I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
