upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize