Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
