Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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