I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
