Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
