we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
