Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
