You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i out mim tonsoeep
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
