Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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