Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
