My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
