Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
