She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
