and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
