Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
