Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
