as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
