I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
