i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
ttyl tear gas
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
