Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am available for nakedness
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize