nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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