I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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