im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
