pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
