Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
