There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
