i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
