We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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