So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
