At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
