so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
