just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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