why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
