Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
