I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
