Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
