Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
