so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize