I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
