She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
