i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
