He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
