Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
