they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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