i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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