Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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