last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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