Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
where does the pee come out of this thing
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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