You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
