I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
