Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He shit in the fireplace
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize