TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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