I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i would punch a child for taco bell
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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