we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize