I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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