Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so explain again why im purple
no
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
