i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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