What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
