We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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