Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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