she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize