They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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