at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My ass is underappreciated
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize