I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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