Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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