I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
