It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Bring me that man meat
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
