I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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