i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
