Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My bed smells like the plague
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
