You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
soo... how was my night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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